Derailed On Purpose
Steve Martin built jokes like puzzles that made you think, “What?” You’d laugh, then realize—it’s typical Martin.
“Before You Criticize A Man, Walk A Mile In His Shoes”
Steve Martin flips a cliche upside down with this line—why scold someone when you could inherit their shoes and be a mile away?
Joella Marano from Manhattan, NY, Wikimedia Commons
“A Day Without Sunshine Is Like, You Know, Night”
Observation? Satire? Maybe both. With this line, Martin weaponizes obviousness to dismantle the pretense of deep thought. It is mocking how people inflate shallow insights.
Davidwbaker, Wikimedia Commons
“Some People Have A Way With Words And Other People...Oh, Uh, Not Have Way”
This joke lives in the rhythm. You expect eloquence and get delightful nonsense instead. That fake stumble? 100% calculated for maximum laughs.
Peabody Awards, Wikimedia Commons
“I Like A Woman With A Head On Her Shoulders. I Hate Necks”
Let’s talk visual comedy—without visuals. Martin paints a romantic, then ghoulish, picture in under ten words. Delivered deadpan, it generates laughs from mental whiplash.
Everett Collection, Shutterstock
“It's Not Tipping I Believe In. It's Overtipping”
By advocating for "overtipping," he satirizes the social norms around gratuities, suggesting that excessive generosity is not just preferred but a personal creed.
Photo By: Kaboompics.com, Pexels
“Talking About Music Is Like Dancing About Architecture”
This line critiques how critics talk, suggesting some experiences defy language. Ironically, this non-explanation explains everything perfectly.
Brian Vander Brug, Getty Images
“I Thought Yesterday Was The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life, But It Turns Out Today Is”
Steve plays with time and self-help mantras like a cat with a string. Fans who caught this line in Let’s Get Small knew they were watching a master dismantle self-improvement fluff.
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“First The Doctor Told Me The Good News: I Was Going To Have A Disease Named After Me”
Delivered in a mock-serious tone, it transforms illness into dark honor. It’s the kind of joke only Steve could get away with.
“I Love Money. I Love Everything About It. I Bought Some Pretty Good Stuff…And Some Dumb Stuff, Too”
Martin’s joke catalogs fake purchases with surreal charm. He rants like a billionaire on bath salts, poking fun at consumerism while making up the world’s worst shopping list.
“Be So Good They Can't Ignore You”
Among the weird, this one stands straight. It’s Martin’s actual career advice—and unlike his other quotes, it’s sincere. It stuck around so long that Cal Newport even used it as a book title.
Orion, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)
“A Celebrity Is Anyone Who Looks Like He Spends More Than Two Hours Working On His Hair”
The joke lands because it feels uncomfortably true. Martin turns grooming into a cultural critique and does it without naming names—just style, sting, and satire.
“I Just Gave My Cat A Bath. Now, How Do I Get All This Fur Off My Tongue?”
He builds up normalcy, then veers hard into absurd territory. You gag and laugh at once. It’s an offbeat twist that only he could make weirdly charming.
Everett Collection, Shutterstock
“I've Got To Keep Breathing. It'll Be My Worst Business Mistake If I Don't”
Passing on becomes a business misstep here. Martin doesn’t joke about failure—he jokes about existence as if it’s a management strategy.
“Writer's Block Is A Fancy Term Made Up By Whiners So They Can Have An Excuse To Drink Alcohol”
Forget gentle encouragement, Martin drags the creative community through a punchline that burns. It’s bold, and it’s been quoted by struggling authors and comedians alike.
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“Always Make Room For The Unexpected In Yourself”
Martin, who built his career on veering off-script, dares you to embrace the wild card in your character. This here is advice disguised as weirdness—pure Steve.
Paramount Pictures / Handout, Getty Images
“I Believe In Equality. Equality For Everybody. No Matter How Stupid They Are Or How Superior I Am To Them”
Martin tackles social ideals by sneaking in self-aggrandizement. The quote here is offensive, on purpose. That’s the trick.
Paramount, Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)
“Thankfully, Perseverance Is A Good Substitute For Talent”
This quote shrinks the myth of overnight genius and exalts stubbornness instead. If that’s not a blueprint for success, what is?
“How To Make A Million Dollars: First, Get A Million Dollars”
Step one: be rich. That’s it. No setups. No fluff. You expected guidance. Instead, you have a mirror held to your wishful thinking.
“I Was Not Naturally Talented. I Didn't Sing, Dance, Or Act, Though Working Around That Minor Detail Made Me Inventive”
Here, he stitched together absurdity, banjo playing, and wild physicality because he couldn’t just charm a crowd traditionally. That’s not modesty—it’s truth coated in wit and self-awareness.
“Chaos In The Midst Of Chaos Isn't Funny, But Chaos In The Midst Of Order Is”
Disruption works best when the audience expects structure. This insight-powered his entire act, from white suits to wild banjo solos mid-rant. Precision-made disorder.
“I Am A Wild And Crazy Guy”
Catchphrases rarely become cultural earthquakes, but this one did. Born from his SNL sketches with Dan Aykroyd, the line transformed Martin into a household name.
It's a Date - SNL by Saturday Night Live
“Boy, Those French. They Have A Different Word For Everything”
Misunderstanding meets mock intelligence in this line that’s been mimicked on playgrounds and comedy stages ever since. Martin delivers it with smug certainty, all while torching his fake intellect.
“I Got A Flue Shot, And Now My Chimney Works Perfectly”
This pun sounds like something your weird uncle might say...if your weird uncle were a comedy genius. It’s Steve at his most childlike—slamming together homophones to create total nonsense. And yet, it works.
“I Guess I Wouldn't Believe In Anything Anymore If It Weren't For My Lucky Astrology Mood Watch”
Martin mocks superstition, astrology, commercialism, and maybe even faith—all wrapped up in a made-up gadget. Delivered as a throwaway, the line hits like satire in disguise.
Everett Collection, Shutterstock
“I Think I Did Pretty Well, Considering I Started Out With Nothing But A Bunch Of Blank Paper”
Creativity begins with nothing. This joke is half truth, half brag, all Steve. It’s a nod to writers and artists who’ve stared down the void of the empty page.
