Not For Kids
Childhood just isn’t what it used to be. Today’s kids are practically born with a tablet in hand, but back in the day, a kids' movie night felt like pure magic. Unfortunately, taking a look back at some of those films now? A whole lot of them are just not the masterpieces we thought they were…
Matilda
Everyone loves a kid with hidden superpowers, and that scene where Matilda really starts to harness her powers is unforgettable. But her parents? Definitely shouldn’t have been raising kids. And Miss Trunchbull? Yeah, a walking CPS call.
Bambi
This film should have been kiddie bliss—full to the brim with cute, talking animals. But watching Bambi lose his mom, and to a hunter no less, is pretty heavy, even for adults.
Flubber
Overall, this is still a pretty fun movie. But there’s one thing we just can’t get past—the idea that the super smart and tech savvy professor at the center of it all missed his own wedding three times. Definitely a stretch.
Flubber (1997) The Invention Of Flubber, JCH 007
Stuart Little
Don’t get me wrong, Stuart is actually adorable. It’s just very ridiculous to think a family would fully adopt a mouse as a son, as fun as that might be.
Columbia, Stuart Little (1999)
Richie Rich
Head of a ridiculously successful company before the age of 13? Totally fun and interesting. But plausible? Not even a little bit.
The Baby-Sitters Club
This one hurts me personally, considering the fact that I read these books religiously and totally fanned out over the movie. But in retrospect, the adults probably shouldn’t have been leaving their kids in the care of 11-year-olds (and Stacy, also 11 years old, was not mature enough to date a highschooler).
THE BABY-SITTERS CLUB (1995) – OFFICIAL TRAILER, Sony Pics at Home
Home Alone
This is another one that hurts to put on here, but come on. No matter how many kids you have, it’s actually still a very bad thing to forget one, leaving him to deal with two felons on his own (even if he seems as capable as Macaulay Culkin's Kevin).
Twentieth Century, Home Alone (1990)
Home Alone 2
Because they did it again! They really should have come up with a better system for keeping track of their offspring.
Home alone 2 , Home Alone, 20th Century Fox Television
Pocahontas
The problem with this one is all the lies. This movie made us think Pocahontas totally fell in love with John Smith, as opposed to the truth—a grown adult John Smith took a young child as his bride. Discovering this after the fact was scary.
Walt Disney, Pocahontas (1995)
The Goonies
Because you honestly just can’t get away with poking fun at a child’s weight for an entire film anymore. And you probably shouldn’t.
The Goonies | 4K Trailer | Warner Bros. Entertainment, Warner Bros. Entertainment
The Rugrats Movie
This one still haunts me. Having to watch a baby lost in the woods try to take care of another baby he doesn’t even like (who’s his own brother) is a different kind of disturbing, and again just feels a bit too heavy for the little minds.
This World Is Something New To Me by Slime Shady
Baby’s Day Out
This one’s fun to watch as a kid, but honestly terrifying as an adult. A baby really shouldn’t be out by itself. And it’s actually not all that fun to watch a baby just barely escape danger.
Baby's Day Out 1994 - Best Scenes - Part 1, Xevozy
Spy Kids
Watching this film as an adult feels like a super psychedelic mind trip. Because what do you mean these kids who just found out their parents are spies now need to become spies and save them before the end of this movie? And what on earth is a “fooglie”?!
Spy Kids: Saving their parents, Binge Society
Coraline
The villain of this film wants to steal Coraline's eyes. Her eyes. And if that isn’t triggering enough, they pretend to be Coraline’s mother to get the deed done. Enough said.
Focus Features, Coraline (2009)
Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory
Every version of this film just ends up being extremely creepy. Willie Wonka is super bizarre throughout, seeming both obsessed and disgusted with the children at the same time—not the best precedent to set for a child’s relationship with a random adult.
Good Burger
The only issue with this one is believability. We didn’t know it as kids, but there’s just no way Kenan would be able to pay off his accident with one summer of work. The burgers looked good, though.
Good Burger: Ed's sauce by Binge Society
Time Bandits
If you didn’t see this film as a child, count yourself blessed. Spoiler alert, but in the end, the small boy at the center of it all finds himself abandoned in a house that’s literally on fire.
Time Bandits - Trailer 1981, Movie Trailer Archive
Watership Down
In this film, bunnies are everything but cute. They are the most villainous of villains, and between that and the dramatic battles throughout, no child should be watching this.
Watership Down - Trailer (1978) by Umbrella Entertainment
Black Hole
It seems like Disney thought they had their Star Wars with this classic, but it proved to be anything but. Despite its PG rating, its onscreen brutality and heavy themes weren’t enough to be explained away with “parental guidance”.
The Black Hole (1979) | Full movie under 10 min, All sort of movies
Return To Oz
The entire story is built on the fact that Dorothy’s aunt thinks she’s crazy for talking about her time in Oz, and sends her for electroshock therapy. It gets worse, and even more triggering, from there.
Walt Disney, Return to Oz (1985)
The Fox And The Hound
This story had a great message, until it didn’t. In this case, the ultimate lesson seems to be that you can’t really be friends with people who don’t look like you. Read between the lines.
Walt Disney, The Fox and the Hound (1981)
The Adventures Of Mark Twain
This film is a very heady journey through the meaning of life, told with Claymation. And if you think that sounds like a bit too much for a child, you’re absolutely correct.
Garbage Pail Kids
Honestly, it’s surprising this film made it to the screen at all. Kids tend to be interested in things that are a little messy, but this movie took the theme of “being gross is fun” way too far.
Atlantic Entertainment Group, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)
Angels In The Outfield
This is a super fun movie, until you realize that the angels from heaven are technically helping the kids’ baseball team cheat. That might not be the kind of precedent you want to set with impressionable minds.
Angels In the Outfield ⚾️ | You need a new outfield, ♪FenderGibson Sounds♪
Dunston Checks In
In this case, the film just doesn’t have a real story. As a kid, it’s fun to watch an orangutan go crazy in a hotel, but as a grown up, you realize nothing really happens. And kids are young, but not dumb.
Dunston Checks In (1996) - Trailer, Video Shack
MVP: Most Valuable Primate
If you can’t tell by the name alone, this movie is too corny and unbelievable to exist, even as a children’s movie. At this rate, it seemed the team just threw an animal into a starring role and thought it would be a hit (they thought very wrong).
MVP: Most Valuable Primate - Trailer, Mill Creek Entertainment
Air Bud
The golden retriever at the center of this film is adorable, and the only good part about it. This is another case where the story really just isn’t all that good, even though a dog playing basketball is definitely still cute to watch.
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
As a kid, this film was totally amazing. Unfortunately, as an adult, it’s incredibly easy to see how shabby it looks onscreen. Neither the story or the supposed “special” effects hold up.
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie (1995) ORIGINAL TRAILER, Unseen Trailers
Peter Pan
This one seems like a fun little movie about kids who don’t want to grow up, but as an adult, you just have to wonder—where in the world are Peter’s parents? Even worse than that, though, is the entire scene poking fun at the stereotypical view of Native Americans.
Walt Disney, Return To Neverland (2002)
Babe
This might not be anyone’s fault, considering the time in which it was made, but the fake pig at the center of this film just looks way too fake on second look. At this point, it’s more cringy than anything else.
Babe Tries Winning The Herding Competition | Babe | Max Family, Max Family
Casper
It’s all fun and games until someone loses their life, and in this film, that’s exactly what happens to the protagonist's dad after having way too much fun with his new ghost “friends”. In the end, they manage to resurrect the guy, but along with Casper only getting to be alive for one night, it’s honestly just a lot.
Date With a Ghost | Casper (1995) | Screen Bites, Screen Bites
The Goonies
As kids, watching this rambunctious group of kids go on an adventure to save their family felt amazing. As an adult, you’ll probably spend most of the movie trying to figure out why in the world everyone is always yelling.
Warner Bros., The Goonies (1985)
Heavyweights
The whole movie is built around a camp where the lead character mistreats a set of overweight kids. And while they conquer it all in the end, it just doesn’t fly as appropriate or okay on any level.
Heavyweights 1995 final battle, Jacob Dombroski
Blank Check
This is basically The Wolf of Wall Street for kids. I don’t think anything else needs to be said, other than it’s definitely not what we want to teach our kids.
Blank Check (1994) Theatrical Trailer [FTD-1411], FT Depot
Dennis The Menace
In the real world, we’d probably get Dennis a psychologist. As an adult, it’s a little too easy to see that his antics aren’t cute or funny, and he really shouldn’t be getting away with any of it.
Warner Bros., Dennis the Menace (1993)
Kazaam
I don’t know who let Shaq get away with playing a manipulative genie in this 90’s film, but he probably should’ve fired him. In any case, watching an adult (genie or not) take advantage of a kid is a lot less entertaining when you’re grown enough to know how wrong it is.
Raining Junk Food Scene | KAZAAM (1996) Movie CLIP HD, JoBlo Movie Clips
Free Willy
The actual movie is very okay, it just becomes less okay the more you know about how whales are treated in captivity. And the fact that the starring whale in this movie passed just a year after being let go doesn’t help.
Free Willy (1993) - Willy's Soulmate Scene (4/10) | Movieclips, Movieclips
D2: The Mighty Ducks
This one had to be included just to criticize how terrible of a person the coach is. The kids themselves are great, and wonderful examples, but we shouldn’t have to watch their coach use them and treat them like trash.
Mrs Doubtfire
Now, I’m loath to add this to the list because as a grown adult, I still really love this movie. But it’s worth including for no other reason than to acknowledge that what Robin Williams did as Mrs Doubtfire was actually completely unlawful, no matter how sweet he seemed.
Mrs. Doubtfire(1993),20th Century Fox
Harry Potter
This is, again, a very hard movie to add to the list. But still. Doesn’t it seem a bit strange that almost all the adults in this film are inadequate? Either not smart enough to help or totally evil? Maybe it doesn't send the best message about adults in general. But anyway—Hufflepuffs forever.
Every Time Harry Potter Arrives At Hogwarts, Harry Potter
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