Steve Martin's Brilliant Mind
Few people are as funny and insightful as the great Steve Martin. These quotes from the iconic comedian will make you laugh, think, then laugh again.
Another Man's Shoes
"Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes."
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Crouching Laughter Hidden Funny
"I saw the movie, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' and was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they're crouching and hidden."
Towpilot, CC BY-SA 3.0, Wikimedia Commons
Not Tonight
"I opened the show with this line: 'I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! Oh, wait, sorry, that's tomorrow night.'"
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Pun-Tastic
"I got a flue shot and now my chimney works perfectly."
Persistence
"Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent."
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Writing v. Acting
"The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor first because writing is what you do when you are ready and acting is what you do when someone else is ready."
Davidwbaker, CC BY-SA 4.0, Wikimedia Commons
...With Words
"Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way."
Joella Marano, CC BY-SA 2.0, Wikimedia Commons
Believe?
"It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch."
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Impossible To Ignore
"Be so good they can't ignore you."
David Shankbone, CC BY-SA 3.0, Wikimedia Commons
Music Talk
"Talking about music is like dancing about architecture."
Jim Summaria, CC BY-SA 3.0, Wikimedia Commons
What He Looks For In A Woman
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks."
Parlez-Vous Francais?
"Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything."
Love's Promise
"Love is a promise delivered already broken."
Ageing
"As we get older we either become our worst selves or our best selves."
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First/Last Day
"I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is."
Script Changes
"I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87."
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Idiot Art
"I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot."
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Oh Doctor
"First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me."
More Doctors
"Somewhere in the world is...The world's worst doctor, and he could be yours."
Money Math
"If you've got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've got 71 cents left. But if you've got 17 grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've still got 17 grand. There's a math lesson for you."
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His Mother
"She was never moved by what I was doing (in an interview she said, "He writes his own material, I’m always telling him he needs a new writer")…"
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Breakups
"One day I was particularly gloomy, and Jim asked me what the matter was. I told him my high school girlfriend (for all of two weeks) had broken up with me. He said, 'Oh, that’ll happen a lot.' The knowledge that this horrid grief was simply a part of life’s routine cheered me up almost instantly."
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Stand-Up
"Doing comedy alone onstage is the ego's last stand."
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Moving Out
"When I moved out of the house at 18, I rarely called home to check up on my parents or tell them how I was doing. Why? The answer shocks me as I write it: I didn’t know I was supposed to."
Equity For All
"I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them."
Cat Bath
"I gave my cat a bath the other day...they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that..."
Take A Breath
"I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't."
Staying Creative
"Moving on and not looking back, not living in the past, was a way to trick myself into further creativity."
Ain't No Sunshine
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
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What Is Comedy?
"Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke."
Syncing
"A watched iPhone never syncs."
Celebrity
"A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair."
Raise Your Hand
"How many people have never raised their hand before?"
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"Being on Twitter is like having a fern."
And Of Course...
"Well, excuuuuuse me!"
